The Unsaid Words

For the first time yesterday, I saw her eyes. And they spoke. A lot.

I’d been observing her mannerisms, for quite a while. Since we shared a 4-seater cubicle we used to greet each other cordially. But that was it. None of us had made a move beyond ‘Hello’. It was almost as if both knew that any further words would lead to the unimaginable. No, not attraction. Pure, unadulterated pain taking shelter in those unsaid words. Neither had the courage to face that intense pain.

The only time that we had coffee together was as part of a larger group, working on the same assignment. As fate had it I was seated opposite her. But she shielded both eye contact and conversation with the help of sunglasses and a book. I didn’t take that nicely.

Over the course of the last year, I observed her and made critical judgements in my own mind. Criticising her for things she’d not said, things she’d not done and things she’d not thought. All the while, conveniently forgetting that I was equally to blame. She had become the central object of my mean disposition; and I, her subject of torture. Or so I thought.

As time consumed our better emotions, I took to extreme bitterness. She, to outright reclusiveness. Still we’d give each other the occasional glance, when the other was not looking. It had become an unhealthy commitment without being committed.

I thought it’s best to move ahead with death. Because moving ahead with life was something I’d tried and failed at. Miserably, if I may add. Starting with a peg a day, I soon vanquished a full bottle in two days. Such was my dedication towards self-destruction that one day I sat for an office meeting in an inebriated state. When my boss tried reasoning with me, I invited him to drink with me.

Then, almost surreally, time stood still. It was a Monday morning. I came to office, a little less drunk from the earlier night. Bloodshot eyes but walking and reacting perfectly. By now, most people in office used to avoid me. And the only reason I was still employed was because I was making the company richer. I walked into my cubicle and saw her sitting. Almost as a knee-jerk reaction I was about to turn away (I had no idea where I was going to go) when she turned in her chair and looked right into my eyes. And there it was…the very pain we both feared. But she had mustered up the courage to face it. I? I was still grappling with my own miserable existence called a life.

For the first time yesterday, I saw her eyes. And they spoke. A lot.

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4 thoughts on “The Unsaid Words

  1. Builds up quite well. I want to be knowing what happens next since the very beginning.

    Can we have a chapter 2 of this, as to what happens after this? Or should we rather imagine? 🙂

    Like

  2. Pingback: And Then We Spoke | Lunacy Simplified

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